Tuesday, May 31, 2005

First toga 

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On the move 

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Red Bull

Ever drink it?

Has this ever happened while drinking it?

Do you think it's a problem?

Correct, it is.

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David Beckham to Play in US?

A possibility he might play in the American 'football' league, MLS.

As long as Posh promises no reunion tour of the Spices in the States.

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The Bush Twins are still at 100%. Tragic.

Why is that so funny?

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The Pope Blogs or Does He?

Decide for yourself here.

A couple of reasons why I think this may not be legit:

He's using Blogger. Couldn't the Pontiff afford to use Moveable Type or pay for his own domain?

He has a book called The Vatican Diet. With the catchy slogan, "Gain holiness not fat."

The most recent post from yesterday only has 15 comments. You'd think the leader of the Catholic Church would generate more of a response.

If this really was the Pope, I don't think he'd blog about his oily skin. Doesn't he have bigger fish to fry? (So to speak.)

Are Popes ever sarcastic? This one is:
...So, here’s some words of advice for anyone who thinks they might be famous:

If you think you might become famous (and you’ll probably never get as famous as me), make sure and keep all your possessions that way you could sell them later for big bucks...

Of course, if this really is Benny XVI, then I'm mistaken.

Tip of the Horn to The All Spin Zone for bringing this to our attention.

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My Smoking Odyessy

It's been over two months since my last cigarette. And though I'm not quite ready to change the blog description above, I feel that my days as a smoker are behind me. My cravings are virtually non-existent despite the fact I've been off the patch for over a month. I haven't put myself into a position to have a vicious craving (READ: boozy bender) over the past eight weeks, but I'm sure that time will come. And when it does come I might cheat or I might not, but I know that if I have a cigarette it won't mean a thing because I'm a non-smoker now.

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Saturday, May 28, 2005

Baby's new shirt 

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Friday, May 27, 2005


Reasons I Don't Feel Like I'm Family When at the Olive Garden
- - - -
The hostess never hints that she'd really like it if I went to law school.

The busboy is always very polite about denying my requests for money.

The waiter never hits me, pulls my hair, or tells on me for things I never did.

The manager never cheats on my dad.

The dishwashers don't like it when I hug them goodbye.

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Plotting Your Son's Course?

ESPN basketball analyst Dee Brown said he and his wife are expecting a baby boy next month. The name?

Anakin Walker Brown

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Pick-up or Delivery

If you want a slice of pizza, you'd better pick it up.

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Vanity Plate

Why might this plate get yoiu in trouble?:


Answer here.

(If you already knew the answer, you are a gifted chemist or you should be in lock-up.)

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Brain Freeze

It's good to be back here again at the Dexter Lake Club.

It's high powered content like this that keeps people like you coming back once a month.

We here at the Uncle Horns foundation appreciate your patronage.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Airline Safety

Pay Attention!

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Friday, May 20, 2005

Most Contagious Website

I heard about this last night on NPR. A group of people are trying to figure out what makes a web site popular (remember the subservient chicken? they used that as an example.) So they've designed websites for the sole purpose of generating visitors. The creators of the site that generates the most visitors gets $2,000.

The site in the lead now? Crying While Eating

I admit I was taken by the Blogebrity site (linked below), which is part of the whole deal. (But I'm still worried about the paparazzi.)

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Ice-T Orthodontia

Bling bling spinners, for your teeth!

Yeah. Dawg. Shizzle.

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Down With Dimes

Dimes Must Die.


I'm glad you asked:

Because they are so lazy, Dimes have become scrawny and weak. The Dime is the smallest coin, smaller even than the nobel Penny. Compared to the burly Quarter and the hard-working Nickel, Dimes are the bottom of the monetary food chain. So lazy is the Dime that often they will be hiding amongst Pennies to avoid the work of being spent. The Penny's size behooves it, as it makes it easier to save them in bulk to amass their collected value, but the Dime's reduced size simply makes it harder to find among all the other useful change.

Many more reasons included.

(Be sure to scroll down and play with the baby eating Pac-Dime.)

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The Tub

For whatever reason, over the winter Baby Horns did not like to get in the bath. A soon as we mentioned it he would start screaming and not stop until he was dry and had his 'jammies on. We even tried getting him into the shower where I would hold him and sing. Surprisingly, that didn't work either.

Well, I'm happy to say, that with the turn in the weather the wee Horns is back to having a more relaxed bath time.

How do I know he's more relaxed in the tub? An important clue for us is that he's left a surprise in the tub three out of the last four times he's bathed.

We're convinced it's just a stage.

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Oh crap, now I have to worry about more paparazzi.

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More Star Wars

Hayden Christiansen who portrays Anakin Skywalker said he "...wouldn't mind giving George Bush a good shaking with my light-saber." (New York Daily News)

Who said he was on the dark side?

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Thursday, May 19, 2005

Star Wars Factoid

According to Mrs. Horns (who flew solo) there was no line for the women's rest room at the midnight showing last evening. The line for the men's room was long and winding.

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Hope not.

Be sure to click Apri at the end.

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Cool List

The All-Time Top 100 Voices in the Movies

And yes, I'm surly that Charo didn't break the top 50, coochie.

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Teacher Needed at Sidecreek Elementary

Because this one won't be around for much longer:
AURORA, Colo. -- A teacher at Sidecreek Elementary School in Aurora was placed on leave Thursday after the mother of a fifth grader reported that the teacher taped their son's mouth shut.

Gabriel Solarin describes how a teacher wrapped his head with adhesive tape.

The incident allegedly occurred on Wednesday, but the Laura Solarin didn't learn about it until she called home to check on her son, Gabriel, after school and he told her what happened.

"He gets the tape out of the desk and he starts wrapping it (around my head) in layers," said Gabriel, 11. "He went around (my head) maybe about 10 times. "

Gabriel said the the teacher left the tape on him for about 15 minutes before two other teachers saw it...

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Problem with Nightime Tailgaters?

You need The Defiant Digit.

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2008 Dark Horse

According to Bob Woodward, it could be the 137 year old Dick Cheney.

A sure winner with that glowing smile. (gack)

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Sunday, May 15, 2005

Birthday Weekend

The youngest Horn Head turned two on Friday and the eldest turns 11 on Monday. Many a Star Wars lego/duplo being presented.

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Baby horns 

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Mrs. Horns 

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Friday, May 13, 2005

Hadn't Seen this Sticker Before

It's good to see the people who frequent my veterinarian are forward thinkers.

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Wee Horns' Second

You'd be surly too if your birthday was on Friday the 13th and your Dad was shoving his camera in your face before 6:30am.

Look for ice cream & cake gluttony pictures this weekend.

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Urgent Recall Notice

After 86 years, Fisher-Price recalls Pogo Sticks.

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Today's Fortune

Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.

This brings us to our new puppy. Our little pup is having a hard time excreting outside. She's leaving us about two steamers a day around the house. Oldest child is skeeved out by the steam, so it's Uncle Horns who has the honors. I've already scrubbed her crate twice, so things are moving along slowly. I've recently gotten some advice from a client (dog breeder/trainer) which will go into effect ASAP. Regardless, we're having fun and she's adorable. She just has to poop outside.

The talents and accompanying reward will come when I can walk around the house without shoes.

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New shirt 

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Amazing Discovery

Someone auctioned off the toast with the image of the runaway bride on it.

The winning bid must be seen to be believed.

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Aren't we getting closer to the end of Gannon's 15 minutes?

Choice headline from his web site:
So Feared By The Left It Had To Buy Me A New Color Print Cartridge Take Me Down

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A-1 Will Get You 5-10

Police say man offered steak for sex.

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Monday, May 09, 2005

Luke, I'm Your Gardener

Over the top:

I'm sure there could be alternate titles for this post that may be just as clever.

What have you got?

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Sunday, May 08, 2005

Gettin' Kinda Fristy

The real meaning of the nuclear option:

Theocracy n 1: a political unit governed by a deity (or by officials thought to be divinely guided) 2: the belief in government by divine guidance

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Not foreshadowing. :) 

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Happy mother's day! 

Happy Mother's Day

To mother of Horns, Mrs. Horns and all Mothers out there: Have a great day!

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Saturday, May 07, 2005



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Broad Street

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Me and two of the lads headed up to Philly today for the Rittenhouse Row festival. a beautiful day and great vibes from the throngs of people. I love Philadelphia...

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Friday, May 06, 2005


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New Cell Phone Coming

With camera!

Look out, Lunabomber, there is soon to be a new mo-blogger on the scene.

I promise incredibly moving & insightful photos of my pets with clever captions.

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Defenseless Animals Blogging

This picture of a red-tailed hawk and a slow-footed squirrel was taken on the campus of The Pennsylvania State University.

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Quote of the Day

“Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of our personal lives.”
-Graig Carter

(They aren't in the business of nation building either.)

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Baby Crack

From the, "I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged This Yet" department...

Weekday mornings around chateau Horns are usually pretty hectic as we get everyone ready for school/work/day care. But one of the most amusing parts of the morning (and other parts of the day) is when the big man is hungry and points to the cupboard and says, "crack." Some of the first snacks he ever really enjoyed were crackers and he is now equating the root word to any type of travel or snack food.

Unfortunanately, I'm not the best at correcting him as of yet. I'll carry him downstairs before 6:30am, after getting us dressed and ask him, "Do you want some crack?" or "Where's your crack?" He knows exactly what I'm talking about and goes right to the cabinet where we keep the illicit baby treats. Our friends who have experience with speech therapies and other child development things tell us this isn't a big deal, which I'm thankful for, as the comic effect is rich. Particularly so early in the morning.

UPDATE: Mrs. Horns likens the noise he makes to some of the animals in Land of the Lost. You know the, "C-R-A-A-A-A-C-K" noise prehistoric creatures made roaming the valleys. This sound is made more when he's getting a little impatient for crack, sometimes in the AM. Later in the day he is more succinct in his requests for crack snacks.

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

Today's Fortune

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Five Questions About Books

Almost a month ago Wayne from PSoTD "tagged" me with the above described book meme. I apologize for not responding earlier, but I've just discovered that I like being linked to, but not when there is a "catch" (e.g. me having to do something.) I'm lazy. But don't let that stop anyone from tagging me in the future, as I'll get around to it. Eventually.

Q1 -- You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to save?
Green Eggs & Ham

Q2 -- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Wonder Woman. And don't deny you didn't have a little thing for Diana Prince...

Q3 -- The last book you bought is?
How to Get Ideas by Jack Foster based on a friend's recommendation. I work in advertising and though I don't work in the creative aspect of it, I'm sometimes called upon to be creative (like here.) Also, I bet if you come up with different ways to get ideas and/or think, your life would improve somewhat. (Not a plug of the book, just an observation.)

Q4 -- What books are you currently reading?
I have at least six...

Eats, Shoots & Leaves - The book from the puncuation gestapo. It looked light & quirky, but is a little more serious than that. It's back burner now, but I will return to it at some point soon.

Blog! - This was written by Hugh Hewitt and was purchased in my fit of open minded bi-partisanship after jug-ears stole won the election. I heard the book was non-partisan. That was bullshit. Hewitt is Instapud's little boy. Save your money. I doubt I'll finish this one. The bi-partisanship honeymoon is just about done. Bring on Fristy and the loons!

In Harm's Way - This is about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis war ship during WW2. The story of how some of the sailors survived in the South Pacific waters is incredible.

The Coast of Summer - A non-fiction account of an Englishman & his wife touring New England under the power of sail. I did this several times as a kid and think back fondly to visiting; Narragansett Bay, Cutty Hunk, Block Island, Nantucket, Galilee, Newport, Edgartown, Martha's Vineyard, Penobscot Bay, Chatham, Cape Cod, Point Judith & Hamburg Cove. (OK that last one wasn't in the book but it holds special meaning for at least one reader of this blog. It's a little nook off of the Connecticut River.) The book has great maps too. It would help your enjoyment of the book to have some nautical knowledge, but not necessary.

Offide: Soccer & American Exceptionalism - I love Soccer and am constantly battling my friends who consider the "Beautiful Game" a second tier sport. I admit it is in the States and this book details some of the reasons. Some are obvious but some aren't. If you know who the Toon Army are, can explain the catenaccio defense, know where San Siro is and know Michel Platini's nickname you should buy this book. I should be sent up the river for 'calcio' nerdiness.

Who Let the Blogs Out - This was written by Google/Blogger employee Biz Stone and goes back to the origins of the blog. I read his first blogging book too. Both are worthwhile but I preferred the first. That is a plug. After blogging for only a month I wrote to ask about getting an upgraded Blogger account and he emailed me back saying he'd get it done if I wrote an online review. I held up my end of the bargain as did he. Check out my review from the link above, 12 out of 13 people found my review helpful. (I'm still trying to track down the 13th.)

Q5 -- Five books you would take to a desert[ed] island?
The Complete Works of Wil Shortz - The x-word puzzle editor for the NY Times and the bane of my intellectual existence.

The Complete Calvin & Hobbes/Bloom County - This is my list so I made up my own book. Twisted & innocent humor to wile away the time on the, "uncharted desert isle." Aside: I think it would be cool to have dinner with Breathed & Watterson. I could share my Bill the Cat impersonation.

Total Baseball - The stats for every player who ever played Major League Baseball.

The Complete Shakespeare - Mrs Horns used to teach Shakespeare and I've always loved Theatre and toured the Globe theatre on the Thames during my trip to London. My problem is I have a hard time understanding the old school language.

Unabridged OED - Words and definitions. Lots of time. I could become even more locquacious. Just to be sure we're clear, this thing would weigh over 150 lbs.

Thanks to Wayne over at PSoTD for tagging me with this meme. It was a lot of fun. Be sure to check him out at his new digs. He has released himself from the shackles of Blogger. Well done. At the rate I've been going I'll update my 'roll & feeds by Christmas.

If any visitor/guest/lurker/stalker sees this and feels like they want to participate with their own meme, consider yourself tagged. Just trackback to this post or leave a comment saying you're in.

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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Canadians Are Patriotic Too

this is an audio post - click to play

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Retaining Virginity Through Adolescence Has Positive Effects

According to a study from Focus on the Family:
..."It is very much as we suspected - that adolescent virginity has a significant impact on well-being in middle adulthood," Finger said. "We found that men and women who were virgins at age 18, when evaluated approximately 20 years later, had about half the risk of divorce, had completed about an additional year of education and had annual incomes nearly 20 percent higher than those who were not virgins at 18. We used 18 as the cutoff age because it gave approximately equal populations of virgins and non-virgins to study.

"We found, as well, that these better outcomes were not merely the result of avoiding teenage pregnancy or fatherhood," Finger continued. "The outcomes are inherent to remaining abstinent."...

If Focus on the Family sounds familiar to you, then their founder and leader should as well. James Dobson founded the organization in 1977 but is more well known for some other things...

Newsweek recently interviewed Dobson and it seems that he's Focused on a little more than just the Family:
...I asked him (Dobson) what his top priority was in public life, and was astonished to hear him answer: ending the filibuster rule. Any Republicans who stray from the party line on that issue can expect the full weight of Dobson to come down on them...

My favorite Dobson-ism is his equating Spongebob Squarepants with the "gay agenda". He says he was misquoted in the speech. What he did say, as a correction was this:
...What Dobson did say in a speech in Washington during an event sponsored by the Family Research Council was that SpongeBob is one of 100 popular animated characters that may have been co-opted by an innocuous-sounding group to promote acceptance of homosexuality by children. The group, the We Are Family Foundation, has produced a video slated for distribution to 61,000 public and private elementary schools. The video features SpongeBob, Big Bird, Barney and others singing the old disco hit “We Are Family” and spreading a message of “diversity and unity.”

Dobson said that while words like “diversity” and “unity” sound harmless, even noble, the reality is that they are often used by homosexual activists as a cover for teaching children that homosexuality is the moral and biological equivalent to heterosexuality. Dobson maintains that there is ample evidence that the We Are Family Foundation shares and promotes that very view.

“Unfortunately,” Dobson said, “the We Are Family foundation has very strong homosexual advocacy roots and biases.”...

Does that make you feel better?

Go visit the contact page at the Focus on Family web site and tell Dr. Dobson what you think about his political & religious views and his attempts to influence Congress. I did and it felt pretty f****** good.

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Fargin' Wicked

It's stuff like this that makes me happy to be alive and somewhat technologically savvy today.

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Paris Hilton to Bloggers: You Got No Shot

Be sure to read the eloquent post script to this post.

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Puppy Update

Our baby beagle, Laurel, has recently taken to chasing the cat, Cirakit (SEER-uh-kit), around the house. Her tail is up so we can tell the dog is playing. Cirakit does not have access to this information.

I hope the animals can peacefully co-exist because Cirakit is a beautiful blue-point Siamese and having her picture taken with Laurel would be special. Unless Cirakit's head was in Laurel's mouth; that would be less special.

I've take Laurel for five or six walks since she's entered our lives and she has yet to go to the bathroom for me. I'm not sure what it is, but either of the older boys can taker her out and he pees & poos like a champ. The only time she pees for me is when I pet her. In the house.

One good thing about the late night dog walk is the chance to listen to my iPod. I was listening to Rachmaninoff last night. Good times.

I hope Laurel's excretive activity is under control soon. If so, you may not have many more posts like this. If not, you'll find out how many words I know for poo. No wagering.

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The First State

The Delaware legislature has just voted to name the Stonefly as the state's official macroinvertebrate.

The contentious vote went along party lines and narrowly passed after a marathon debate.

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Who Searches for This Stuff?

Broken people, that's who.

(At least I wasn't #1.)


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Like a Pixy Stick with Calluses

No Hoax:

WILMINGTON, N.C. -- A man who ordered a pint of frozen chocolate custard in a dessert shop got a nasty surprise inside -- a piece of severed finger lost by an employee in an accident.

Unlike a recent incident at a Wendy's restaurant in California, no questions of truth have been raised about the finger found in a package from Kohl's Frozen Custard.

State officials went to the shop Monday, and the owner confirmed one of his employees lost part of a finger in an accident with a food-processing machine.

Wilmington television station WWAY reported that Clarence Stowers found the finger in custard he purchased Sunday night.

Stowers told the station: ''I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat.''

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he rinsed it off with water -- and ''just started screaming.'' He said he planned to contact a lawyer.

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Monday, May 02, 2005

New Addition

Blogosphere, Laurel

Laurel, Blogosphere

Alrighty then.

(Papa Horns is at a golf outing today in NJ and will not be posting so much. I'm stealing the Wi-Fi signal for this post on a side street near the course.)

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