Monday, October 31, 2005

At the liquor store 

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Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

I got 9 out of 10.

How about you?

Leave your score in the comments. (Even your first & second attempts.)

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Typhoon Bush

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Bush Haiku

Actual quotes by the President as composed by the WaPo's Richard Thompson:

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull
on the pant leg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!

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Sunday, October 30, 2005

GMail Invites

I just realized I have a boatload of GMail invites to give away.

Leave a comment with a funny limerick if you want one.

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Friday, October 28, 2005

Irving Lewis Libby INDICTED

2 counts of perjury
2 counts of making false statements
1 count of obstruction of justice

Sources say Fitzgerald offered Karl Rove a deal of one perjury count and Rove declined. More info at a 2pm EST presser.

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Dionne on Miers

An instructive article today in the WaPo by E.J. Dionne on the harm the GOP "base" has inflicted upon itself with their opposition to the Miers nomination to the Supreme Court.

...and the walls come tumbling down...

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The Onion Responds

The White House is unhappy with the Onion about using the Presidential Seal. And now the Onion returns with a shot across the bow of the White House.

Borderline inappropriate, but I can't stop laughing.

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Thursday, October 27, 2005

TO's House is On The Market

According to my real estate sources, Terrell Owens is trying to sell his Moorestown, NJ home.

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Comedy Central to Launch Web Channels

On November 1st comedy Central will launch Mother Load.

From the press release:

More interactivity, more irreverence, more fun! On Tuesday, November 1, COMEDY CENTRAL is launching its first broadband-optimized video channel "COMEDY CENTRAL MotherLoad," it was announced today by Beth Lewand, vice president digital media, COMEDY CENTRAL. For the launch, new original series and content from classic COMEDY CENTRAL shows such as Robert Smigel's "TV Funhouse," "Strangers with Candy" and "Viva Variety" will be available exclusively on "MotherLoad."


"MotherLoad" will launch with five distinct channels and will offer more than 450 video clips from COMEDY CENTRAL shows including never-before-seen videos and online-only extras. The video library will add between 50-80 new clips per week. Comedian Greg Giraldo, host of the network's "Friday Night with Greg Giraldo," will be the anchor of "COMEDY CENTRAL MotherLoad." Each weekday, Giraldo will give a minute-long round-up of what's new on the channel. These topical intros will be shot in a studio.


Additional original projects in development include live-action narratives, animation, topical stand-up performances, sketch comedy series and a movie review show. TV Shows – Previews, highlights and extras from all current COMEDY CENTRAL programming. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart – Highlights from every episode of "The Daily Show," updated the morning after each airing...

No word if they will be charging. Verizon is the launching sponsor, so hopefully it will be free.


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I'm In

Apparently the White House has their knickers in a twist over the Onion's use of the Presidential Seal within it's satirical content. There are several bloggers who've taken it upon themselves to try and inflame the situation by posting the Seal on their sites. More info over at Phillybits.

Like I said, I'm in:

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Anti-Dick Durbin Blog

Not surprisingly, Students Against Dick Durbin does not accept comments.

Apparently, the proprietor thinks Illinois voters are clueless.


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No Indictments Until Friday

If Kenny Starr was on the case, we'd know what brand of toothpaste Karl Rove used and whether Scooter Libby wore boxers or briefs.

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Miers "Withdraws"

So this means...

We're going to have another woman nominated.

We will see the entire fillibuster/nuclear option discussed again.

With the ongoing Plame investigation, the GOP's leverage is significantly hampered. Even with the "moderates" who got together last time, I don't think someone like estremist Priscilla Owen can get nominated.


Sandra Day O'Connor is thinking, "What the hell do I have to do to get back on the golf course?"

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'm Not Going to Link It

This headline was on Drudge's site:

Loogie found in trooper's turkey wrap...

Developing. (Like scabies.)

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Your Help Needed

By way of comment please let me know what you think about the picture on your left. I don't think it's a bad shot and thought it would spice this bland site up a bit.

Is it vain? Should I Photoshop in a mullet? Should I replace JoePa with Steve Spurrier?

Your reasons for yay or nay are appreciated as are humorous responses.

Majority rules.

Relatives may vote, though only once, Mom.


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Bing or No Bing...

...the Pittsburgh Penguins aren't a very good hockey team.

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Indictments Today?

Matthew Gross has a good 'What if?' over here.

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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A New Brand of Pop-Star?

The Olsen twins? I think not...

These two girls just want to get out their message:
..."We're proud of being white, we want to keep being white," said Lynx. "We want our people to stay white … we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race."...

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Monday, October 24, 2005

Trip to the Renn Faire

A couple of weeks ago one of the eldest Horns went on a field trip to the PA Rennaissance Faire. Everyone in his class got dressed up along with his teachers.

When he returned, the Horns lad shared lots of stories about how much fun he had. Over dinner he shared a question that had been bothering him and it was apparent that he didn't ask anyone else...

"Why did they keep calling us, genitals?"

Mrs. Horns and I stifled our giggles. Apparently he had no idea what the word meant. Mrs. Horns, who has Renn Faire experience, explained what they were saying was, gentles, as in gentle people or those not involved with the Faire. We also explained the meaning of the former word and all had a good chortle.

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Saturday, October 22, 2005

Sat. Night Live Blog

Penn St. v. Illinois
Flyers v. Leafs
White Sox v. Astros

7:01 - I have a sports smorgasbord tonight and will be channel surfing like a banshee, especially after my Lions put up and an early 28 spot.

7:02 - Mrs. Horns made chili and cornbread for the festivities. (Well, she was going to make it anyway. I don't get special dinners before I wile away an evening in front of the laptop)

7:05 - PSU kicks off. McDonough & Gottfried doing the game, I foresee some upcoming hackery...

7:09 - Illini running the ball well and going no huddle.

7:10 - Gottfried talks S-L-O-W-L-Y

7:12 - Of course if you don't tackle it could be a long way.

7:13 - 2 out of PSUs last three opponents had a bye week before they played the Lions (MI didn't)

7:16 - Illini up early with a FiGgy. 42 off the upright. Crap.

7:17 - Expect tyops

7:20 - Three plays. Touchdown PSU. Ethan Kilmer broke away, surprising speed. Ron Zook doesn't have the firepower .

7:23 - Flyers penalty kill sucks. One nil to the Leafs. On one shot.

7:25 - Tipped ball by Illini. Picked off. Overturned on replay.

7:27 - Powerplay improves. Desjardins scores for the Fyers 1-1

7:28 - Illini punt.

7:33 - Flyers back on the PP. Gagne stuffed at the doorstep by Belfour

7:34 - Lions score another TD on a pass from Mke Robinson. I'll never say another bad word about him.

7:35 - MRob's heart is XXXXL

7:36 - Whoever invented the "LAST" button on the remote should get the Nobel for Couch Sluggery

7:40 - Chili break. My thumb will still be working.

8:02 - One big bowl of Chili. Two Nittany Lion TDs. Hm.

8:05 - Flyers and Leafs knotted at one. The latter had a goal diallowed. 16:45 left in the 2nd.

8:06 - Lions first punt of the day, net 30.

8:08 - ChiSox v. Astos
Contreras vs. Clemens
Joe Buck & Tim McCarver on the call

8:11 - FUMMMBBBLLLLE. Dan Connor scoops it up and goes in for the six.

8:12 - PSU - 35 Illinois - 3 Giddyup. We're on pace for 112.

8:18 - Illini punter will be sore tomorrow. PSU driving...

8:22 - PSU with another score. 42-3 We've been there.

8:23 - Jermaine Dye touches Clemens for a homer. 1-0 Sox after the first.

8:24 - Hilarious Dunkin Donuts ad. Honcho in the boardroom with Iverson style braids trying to be serious.

8:33 - Flyers get a goal while TWO MEN DOWN. 2-1 Flyers. Nice. (Memories of Dave Poulin.)

8:36 - MRob 31 yd TD run. 49-3 Lions WITH FOUR MINUTES LEFT IN THE FIRST HALF

8:38 - Lamb with a matching homer for the 'stros. ChiSox threatening in the bottom of the 2nd. First & third no out.

8:41 - 3rd & long for the Illini and Tamba Hali almost disembowels their QB on a sack. Another punt. I think things are getting a little chippy in Champaign, Illinois.

8:45 - As I said. Illini player ejected for throwing three punches at Anwar Phillips.

8:46 - Morelli in for PSU as the drive for their 8th TD of the first half.

8:49 - Touchdown Penn State. The stadium will be empty by the 4th q.

8:50 - Robinson: 6 TDs (4 pass, 2 rush) ties a school record set in 1914

8:56 - Halftime 56-3 Ass kicking. PSU record for points ina half. A little messgae to the poll voters?

8:58 - ChiSox up3-1 top 3rd. Clemens NOT on. Astros with 2on one out...

9:01 - My surfing Mojo let me down. Lindros scored for the Leafs to tie it, but just as I tune in, the Flyers go back in front on a Gagne goal.

9:05 - Astros tie it at 3. Flyers buzzing like bees around a hive, up 3-2 14 minutes left.

9:06 - Forgot they're playing with the DH. HATE that rule.

9:08- Flyers up 4-2 Brashear tip of a Desjardins drive, from a won face off. 13:00 left.

9:10 - Clemens hurt his prostate back and left the game. Trouble. He may be done done.

9:13 - RAPTURE! Lions get the ball first. We'll score at least 70, Illinois is really that bad...

9:15 - The ChiSox are getting base runners. Too bad I have no idea who any of them are.

9:17 - PSU with 378 yards in the first half. Doesn't that seem low for scoring seven TDs on offense?

9:20 - I can't believe Tie Domi is still in the leaguje. 15 years! I used to loive to watch him fight Probert. I saw him play at the Wachovia Center once and a fan went into the penalty box to fight him. High comedy.

9:22 - The MLB for the Illini eats 12 eggs for lunch each day AND has a mullet.

9:24 - ESPN2 will be pulling out all of the human interest stories for this game. What a dog. I wonder if McDonough & Gottfried will talk about their dinner reservations?

9:26 - I suck. I missed another goal. Flyers up 5-2 with 2:16 to go. We could see Domi & brashear fight...

9:28 - Flyers win. no fights.

9:30 - PSU back-up Morelli will NOT run the option next year after MRob graduates. It looks like he's handling a bar of Zest out there...

4:05 left 3rdQ
PSU - 416
Illinlois Nunnery for the infirmed - 99

9:35 - The defensive backups for the Lions are trying to strip the ball and not tackle. They'll hear about that...

9:37 - Crede HR puts the Chisox up 4-3. I have no idea who he is...

9:40 - Another defensive TD! By a 3rd string safety. PSU up 63-3. Just over 16 minutes to go.

9:43 - I'm not drinking now, although I did try some of Mrs. Horns' Chimay earlier...

9:45 - Another INT for Illinois. End of the 3rd. McDonough sends it to commercial, "Lions up by 60 after three." Heh.

9:47 - If you're reading this and you think there is something worthwhile on the telly leave a comment and I'll provide some sarcastic commentary...

9:49 - ChiSox with two on no out. Astros more bullpen action..........Sac bunt............2nd/3rd 1 out.

9:50 - Hey, that's Billy Ball!

9:50:03 - Predictably followed by an Int Walk which brings up Pfjdbcmemuhokijhfinski.....

9:52 - Double play. Inning over.

9:55 - If the Lions don't get 70 I'll be disappointed...

9:59 - Illini punter has NINE kicks, six of them over 50 yards.

10:07 - Penguins still winless

10:08 - Blogging for three hours...

10:10 - Illinois threatening........TD Illinois. Crap. And they didn't go for two. 63-10 Lions. 3 to go.

10:12 - Time for another bowl of Chili.....

10:40 - Refreshed.Sox uo 4-3 top of the 8th. Contreras hit three batters and he's done after giving uo a lead-off double in the 8th...

10:42 - LSU-Auburn game is excellent. The Bayou Bengals are ahead of the Lions in the polls now, I hope they lose. They are leading now 14-10

11:00 - I'm done. G'night.

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Friday, October 21, 2005

My New Mobile Ringtone

Good stuff.

Link to MP3

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Another Commercial Name for Offspring

First we had a run on the name ESPN after the all-sports network surged in popularity. Now, allow me to introduce you to Oliver Google Kai.

He's cute, for a search engine.

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How About a List?

Friday amusement:

My Rejected Cooking Show Ideas

Three-Hour Meals for Just Under $400.00

Dinner, a Movie, and Passive-Aggressive Advances

Ten-Minute Hotel-Room Meals for Lonely Travelers

Iron Chef Electric Hot Plate Challenge

Shopliftin' With Stacey!

Institutional Cook Showdown

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Dr. Seuss The Political Cartoonist

This website catalogs most of the 400 political cartoons that Theodor Seuss Geisel drew between 1941 and 1943.

The cartoon below appeared on December 24, 1941 in the New York Newspaper, PM almost three weeks before the Soviets recaptured Kiev from the Nazis:

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Drive Thru Service

Mr. Magoo need food:
An elderly man crashed his car into the Burger King in downtown Wausau on Friday morning.

The man smashed his car into the main entrance at about 9:30 a.m. He got out of the car, went inside and asked to be served breakfast.

Burger King employees served the man, who was found inside eating his breakfast when police arrived.

The store's entrance sustained heavy damage, but employees continued to serve patrons who made their way into the restaurant.

The man's name had not be disclosed by authorities. Further details, including what caused the crash, were unavailable as of noon Friday.

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Cavemen Get Depressed

Some choose to document it.

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Hypnotist Bank Robber

Bank clerks in Moldova have been told not to make eye contact with customers after a string of robberies by a hypnotist.

The robber reportedly puts cashiers into a trance before making them hand over tens of thousands of pounds.

Local police said the criminal, who they believe is a trained hypnotist from Russia, begins talking to bank tellers and gradually hypnotises them.

He then gets them to give him money before bringing them back out of the trance and leaving them with no memory of handing over the cash, Russian media reported.

Officers, who are still looking for the man, said he took more than £20 000 (about R200 000) in his last robbery.


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20 U.S. soldiers have been killed in the past seven days.

The total is now up to 1,982 dead American soldiers in the Iraq War.

*sigh* Why?

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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Christmas Eve?

Is tomorrow the day that the house of cards fall on the Bush Presidency?

This is intriguing as well.

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

Uncle Horns is #1

Though I'm not sure this is such an honor.

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Friday, October 14, 2005

World Paper Money Image Gallery


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Thursday, October 13, 2005

Absinthe For Sale

At $199.00 per bottle.

They might be enjoying some in the home-office for that pricepoint.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tissue Paper House of Cards

And the walls-
Come tumbling down.

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That USED TO BE North Korea

From Conan O'Brien:

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Monday, October 10, 2005

Six and Oh My Goodness

The Penn State Nittany Lions are undefeated after beating the sixth-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes on Saturday night. With the win the Nits move to #8 in the AP poll. This is incredible considering two weeks ago we were unranked. Many tough games left, but I finally have confidence in the lads.


UPDATE: I got this note from a client who was at the game: Do you know who won the Penn State game on Saturday? I haven't been able to find anything about it on the Internet. lol

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Friday, October 07, 2005

Couple o horns 

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Fantastic News (to some)

It looks like Merck has developed a vaccine that could help block cervical cancer:

..."This trial confirms that a vaccine can give young women a high level of protection from developing precancerous lesions and early cervical cancers," said Laura Koutsky, a professor of epidemiology at the University of Washington, who led the study.

Human papilloma virus - or HPV - is a sexually transmitted disease that can cause a wide variety of problems in both men and women, the most serious of which is cervical cancer.

Dr. Lucy Gilbert, Chief of Gynecological Oncology at the McGill University Health Centre, said the risk is wide spread.

"Reality is, 70 per cent of people who are sexually active - you don't even have to be promiscuous - 70 per cent of people who are sexually active come in contact with the virus."...

You'd think that everyone would be ecstatic at this news. You'd be wrong. The Family Research Council has a problem with preventing cancer:

...In the US, for instance, religious groups are gearing up to oppose vaccination, despite a survey showing 80 per cent of parents favour vaccinating their daughters. "Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV," says Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council, a leading Christian lobby group that has made much of the fact that, because it can spread by skin contact, condoms are not as effective against HPV as they are against other viruses such as HIV.

"Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a licence to engage in premarital sex," Maher claims, though it is arguable how many young women have even heard of the virus...

This boggles the mind. Old white men trying to push their "values" on families. Pre-marital sex is going to happen as sure as the sun is going to come up tomorrow. The penalty shouldn't be death.

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Bad Table

Tip of the Horn to Funfurde.

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Thursday, October 06, 2005

Bush Speech

Holly Martins over at Wonkette did some live-blogging of the Preznit's speech earlier and came up with these nuggets:
...10:21 "No concession, bribe, or act of appeasement would alter their plans for murder." Uh, so the Iraqi Constitution does appear officially doomed, then.

10:23 "Never back down, never give in, never accept anything less than complete victory." Bush turns to camera and mouths "I love Springsteen."...

That's funny.

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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Staying With the Theme

Chewy delivers a 'bow tie' to Alex Rodriguez at Fenway. Princess Leia is ready for the bunt.

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Elmo, You Have Failed Me for The Last Time


Tip of the Horn to Boing x 2.

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Sunday, October 02, 2005

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