Wednesday, November 30, 2005


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Sneaky look 

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Take That

It's a fake, but still amusing.

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5,000 Channels on 12 Dishes

So, Mr. Jessup, what are your favorite books?

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Backwards Vision

Shouldn't we plan for victory first?

That's not a rhetorical question, Mr President.

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Not Looking Rosy for The Lions

In order for the Penn State Nittany Lions to play for the National Championship we need either Texas or Southern Cal to lose. Not looking likely.

Here are the lines I just saw:

USC (-21.5) vs. UCLA
Texas (-28) vs. Colorado

I know anything can happen, but I'm not confident in either upset coming to pass. Unfortunately.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

3Oth street 

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Gifts Received by Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham

UPDATE: Be sure to read the first comment that accompanies this post. Wow.

The "Duke" is the U.S. Representative who entered a gulty plea yesterday and resigned his position in Congress after taking over $2 million in bribes. A partial list of his take:

- $7,200 paid to an antique store for a circa 1850 Louis Phillipe period commode and a circa 1830 Restoration period commode.

- $13,500 toward the purchase of a Rolls-Royce.

- $17,889.96 for repairs to the Rolls-Royce.

- $200,000 toward the purchase of his Arlington, Va., condominium.

- $12,000 paid to an antique store for three night stands, a leaded glass cabinet, a washstand, a buffet and four armoires.

Let that be a lesson to you. Never buy a Rolls Royce. The repair bills are unbelievable.

(Admit it, you thought I was going to make a commode joke. I'll have you know, it's not all potty humor over here. Usually.)

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Meaningless Music List

Top 10 Songs That Rhyme "Bacardi" with "Party".

I don't own any of these albums.

No, not even Fiddy Cent.

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If I Dig a Deep Hole...

Are you concerned about where you go to arrive if you dig a very deep straight infinitous hole on Earth?

Your problems are solved!


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Do your very best to consider this a blog post.

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Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sick of Voicemail Hell?

Check out this site that lists ways to get an actual human being on the line. I've already bookmarked it and, if you value your time, I suggest you do the same.

Also, if you're anything like me (really, it's ok) you like to shop online. The number for Amazon customer service is 800-201-7575.

Enjoy the time you'll save.

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Fly Air Canada?

Get ready to pay $2.00 for a pillow.

Book of Joe with the details.

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Friday, November 25, 2005


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Thursday, November 24, 2005


I was a little worried when I saw this bag after I arrived at my Dad's house for Thanksgiving dinner. But, to my pleasant surprise, the bird was moist, flavorful & delicious. A wholehearted thumbs up from Uncle Horns for Mrs. "O's" bagged, ready-to-cook turkey.

I'll probably wait to buy one until they have the ready-to-cook Turducken.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Another Star Wars Reference

I just returned from the store and remembered to get the hot chocolate that the Oldest Horns likes so much. The following exchange ensued:

OH: Did you get the hot chocolate?
Me: (straight face) They didn't have any more.
OH: (waves hand though the air) These are not the droids you're looking for.
Me: (supressing laughter) OK. It's in the bag.

Nothing like a little Obi Wan to get the Holiday weekend off to a good start.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Fish Communicate Through Flatulence

What will we tell the children?
In polite society, flatulence is often a social faux pas—especially when issued deliberately. But in the world of fish, group "raspberry-blowing" sessions appear to perform an important social role.

This intriguing idea comes from scientists who discovered that herring create a mysterious underwater noise by farting. Researchers suspect herring hear the bubbles as they're expelled, helping the fish form protective shoals at night. It's the first ever study to suggest fish communicate by breaking wind...

Austin Powers said it best while making bubbles:
"Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below."

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CNN Shows IT Like It Is

In case you missed this, CNN yesterday flashed an "X" over VP D*** Cheney's face while showing his speech live at the American Enterprise Institute.

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Blog Post

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Both of you.

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Support the McCain Anti-Torture Amendment

More info here.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Some Sounds Disgust Us

Which ones? I bet you find out here.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Musical Equvalent to Ipecac

"Bush Was Right" by The Right Brothers

Lyrics by Frank Highland

Freedom in Afghanistan, say goodbye Taliban
Free elections in Iraq, Saddam Hussein locked up
Osama's staying underground, Al Qaida now is finding out
America won't turn and run once the fighting has begun
Libya turns over nukes, Lebanese want freedom, too
Syria is forced to leave, don't you know that all this means

Bush was right!
Bush was right!
Bush was right!

Democracy is on the way, hitting like a tidal wave All over the middle east, dictators walk with shaky knees
Don't know what they're gonna do, their worst nightmare is coming true
They fear the domino effect, they're all wondering who's next

Bush was right!
Bush was right!
Bush was right!

Ted Kennedy -- wrong!
Cindy Sheehan -- wrong!
France -- WRONG!
Zell Miller -- right!

Economy is on the rise kicking into overdrive
Angry liberals can't believe it's cause of W's policies
Unemployment's staying down, Democrats are wondering how
Revenue is going up, can you say "Tax Cuts"

Bush was right!
Bush was right!
Bush was right!

Cheney was right, Condi was right,
Rummy was right, Blair was right
You were right, We were right, "The Right" was right
and Bush was right. . .
Bush was right!
Bush was right!

Tip of the Horn to Steve Clemons for this little ditty.

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Repeal Presidential Term Limits

Shoot me now.

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Official Mascots of the Beijing Olympics

Meet Nini, which apparently means Pokemon-Navajo.

The rest are just as odd. Check out the freaky hats.

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Get Rich Quick

Ignore the awkwardness you'll feel.

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Calling the LunaBomber

Dear Dave,

Try the salmon flavored soda.

All the best,

Uncle Horns

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005


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Eagles Lose

On the bright side, the Penn State Nittany Lions are 9-1 and with one game left rank #4 in the BCS.

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Monday, November 14, 2005

Freaky Picture

Check out the front page of the paper:

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Down The Well

And it's not pretty. Dan Froomkin today gives an excellent overview of what he calls Bush's Third Campaign to try and salvage his Presidency.

It contains many links to different news sources & blogs but also some of his own analysis. The best is his response to Bush's Veteran's Day speech trying to reset his agenda:

...But Bush's argument is deeply flawed. Far from being baseless, the charge that he intentionally misled the public in the run-up to war is built on a growing amount of evidence. And the longer Bush goes without refuting that evidence in detail, the more persuasive it becomes.

And his most prized talking point -- that many Democrats agreed with him at the time -- is problematic. Many of those Democrats did so because they believed the information the president gave them. Now they are coming to the conclusion that they shouldn't have.

Like other Bush campaigns, this one will inevitably feature the ceaseless repetition of key sound bytes -- the hope being that they will be carried, largely unchallenged, by the media -- and virulent attacks by the White House on those who dare to disagree, even going so far as to question their patriotism...

The link is printer friendly, take it home tonight and give a read.

BONUS: What do you make of this video from Crooks & Liars? Be sure to watch until the end.

In the immortal words of Ned Flanders on a Simpson's Christmas Holiday special, when he takes food to a shelter:

"Here comes sandwiches,
Here comes sandwiches,
Right down boozy bum lane,
Brother Ned's got cheese and bread,
And a side order of shame......."

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Wow, I Guess That Makes Me Ogre*

I am nerdier than 3% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

I wouldn't say I despise nerds, it's just that there are some tough questions there that I didn't get right. The score is out of 100, let me know how you do.

Tip of the Horn to BlankBaby who is much nerdier than me according to this scale, but I'm envious of his Apple knowledge.

*From Revenge of the Nerds

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Car Accident & Amazing Coincidence

I was driving a rental car last week as my usual car was in the shop for some repairs. Driving home from work on Wednesday night I was rear-ended on the east bound Schuylkill Expressway (Route 76). It was just past the Girard Ave. on-ramp by the double bridges. Always a bottle neck with cars swerving in and out. The kid who hit me was only going 10 or 15 MPH but my head snapped back and I feared the worst as I (carefully) got out to check the damage. He had a couple of scratches and my rental Grand Am had a dent in the fender. Thankfully, I signed the bumper-to-bumper waiver before taking the car and the return of the car was painless. No insurance companies involved, though I did file a police report.

I've only been in one other accident in my life. This one was much more serious, when I totaled my car late one October evening in 1999.

The weird part about it was that both accidents happened within ten yards of one another, 16 years apart.

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Great view 

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Friday, November 11, 2005


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Harry Potter and the Gritty Denture Adhesive

Another list:

Forthcoming Books in the Increasingly Mature Harry Potter Series.

- - - -

Harry Potter and the Obvious Shortcomings of the No Child Left Behind Act

Harry Potter and the Back-Alley Abortion

Harry Potter and Some Seriously Bad Acid

Harry Potter and the TB Pandemic

Harry Potter and the Impending Race War

This list is screaming for more participation. What say you?

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

Nice tights 

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Nice tights 

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Shave My Yeti

Avoid missing a spot and you will be rewarded.


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Toles on Torture

Talk dummy!

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Election Day

Virginia Governor - Check
New Jersey Governor - Check
Ah-nold CA Propositions Struck Down - Check
Dover School Board Creationists Taken Behind the Shed - Check

Bodes well for 2006. I hope the President campaigns for all of the Republicans next year.


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Monday, November 07, 2005


The month is only a week old and already 25 American soldiers have lost their lives.

I've been clicking on that web site semi-regularly these days because I have a friend who is there right now.

An amazing guy who hired me at the agency I happily work for who was in the reserves for several years until one day he decided to go back into active duty. As a Marine in Iraq my friend is acting as a liaison between the US forces and the fledgling Iraqi military. My concern is that his main duty is traveling to different parts of the country, which puts him more at risk.

I had lunch with him before he left about six-weeks ago and he was very much looking forward to the challenge. He has every belief that his training will see him through.

I pray it's enough.

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On CNN.com Earlier Today

Who gets top billing?

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Saturday, November 05, 2005


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Field pass 

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Friday, November 04, 2005

Peace Now


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Christmas Apocalypse

At 1pm this afternoon Philadelphia radio station WSNI-FM went to an all Christmas Music format for the next 48 days. Today is November 4th.

In an unrelated note, John Tesh's morning show will debut on the same station next week.

Oh boy.

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I saw this shirt in the window of a store in Manayunk. You can find it at Mazel TOUGH.

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Responsible Spam


From: Confidence D. Riblet
Subject: engorge

Love life letting you down?

Can't SATISFY your woman?

Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss the issue. By opening the lines of communication, your relationship (and, not incidentally, your love life) will improve tremendously.

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A Good List

But aren't they all?

Least Reputable Charities

- - - -

Doctors Without Credentials

Habitat for Sean Hannity

Red Cross—Undisclosed Location in the Cayman Islands Division

United l77t d00d College Fund

Feed the Children (to Other Children)


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Thursday, November 03, 2005

Picture Day

The eldest Horns before school this morning.

I have a couple of lines that are guaranteed smile producers for the kids...

#1 Fart - Said with a New England accent, FAHT, sometimes more effective.

#2 Poopius Majora - I have no idea where this came from or why it works, but it's pure gold for kid picture taking.

Your results may vary, like if you're mature or something.

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Good Relationships With The Wookies, I Have

Just watched the final prequel in the Star Wars saga and was blown away (again) by the special effects.

My favorite scene was the fight sequence with Obi-Wan and the four-light-sabre wielding General Grievous.

We're talking about having a family get-together over the holidays when we watch all six consecutively. At which point, talking like Yoda, I will be. Other lines sure to be uttered during the Lucas-athon:

It must be tough to find a job if you're an Ewok.
Use the force and you will not burn the microwave popcorn.
You'd think Vader would've gotten an inhaler by now.
I wonder if Mark Hamill is happy he did the film Corvette Summer?
Uncle Horns, I am your father.

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Hypocrisy in Cartoon Form

How 'bout it?

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Harry Reid is no Tom Daschle

This is why.

Go Harry Go!

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