Thursday, June 30, 2005

Crazy Days

It's been difficult to find time to blog lately as I spend a lot of time getting things together at home & work before Mrs. Horns and I go to Ireland on Sunday.

We've firmed up some of our itinerary. On 10-July we'll be staying at
Markree Castle.

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Worst Album Covers Evar

Many thanks to GOP Fundraiser Fat Brad for this bit of amusement.

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Better falls picture... 

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He's Fijian

Though I'm not quite sure what that explains.

"So, the other guy, was he really gay?" -- golfer Vijay Singh, to NJ acting Gov. Dick Codey (D) (Newark Star Ledger.)

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Monday, June 27, 2005

The International Symbol for Marriage

(Honey, of course this doesn't refer to ours. Honey? Where's my chicken pot pie?)

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Sunday, June 26, 2005

On the road... 

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Friday, June 24, 2005

Really, Really, REALLY Effin' Weird

You will not see an odder story today.

Trust me.

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Grunting Fiasco at Wimby

Wimbledon's Chief Official, Alan Mills, thinks the grunting done by women's tennis players is getting out of hand:
LONDON (AFP) - Grunting noises made by female tennis players as they strike the ball are getting out of hand, and rules should be changed to crack down on the practice, Wimbledon referee Alan Mills has said, according to a report.

Mills, Wimbledon's chief official for 22 years who retires after this week's tournament, which begins on Monday, told The Sunday Times he believed coaches were teaching young women players to grunt.

"I don't like it at all. Today there is probably more grunting than there has ever been," he said.

"If I was playing an opponent making so much noise, I think I'd just laugh. But it's what young players are being coached to do.

"Many of the non-grunting players are unhappy about the noise pollution and a kind of counter-grunt culture has emerged in recent years whereby offended parties ape their opponent's noises."

He added: "Officials can only act if the player is shown to be making the noise on purpose, which is virtually impossible to do..."

I wonder what Mrs. Mills thinks about her husband's pettiness. Is she in favour of grunting (on the court)?

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Contest Winner Suing Radio Station Over a Candy Bar

I'd be jacked too if I thought I won $100,000 and they actually gave me a Hundred Grand candy bar.

(Though I do enjoy the caramel & nougat.)

The best part of the article is this:
A prank in Florida led to a similar lawsuit that was settled in 2002. A former waitress claimed Hooters promised to award her a new Toyota car -- but instead gave her a toy Yoda.

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Take the MIT Blog Survey

Take the MIT Weblog Survey

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Iraqi War Deserters

Holy crap. Less than 1% of American soldiers have deserted from the war in Iraq. The actual number is 6,000.

I don't see Brian Williams or Bob Schieffer reporting this anytime soon.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Sunset over cbp 

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Too many muts fans 

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Another List

I Heart McSweeney's Internet Tendency. (Even though they wouldn't publish my list.)

Ad Slogans That Would Be Perfect for Levitra, But, Unfortunately, They Have Already Been Used

Be all you that you can be.

We bring good things to life.

Like a rock.

Wouldn't you really rather have a Buick?

The best a man can get.


When it absolutely, positively has to get there overnight!

Put a tiger in your tank.

It keeps going and going and going ...

The quicker picker-upper.

I can't believe it's not butter!

My goodness, my Guinness!

We build excitement.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.

What's in your wallet?

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I haven't had a single cigarette in over three months. I don't know exactly the date I stopped , but it's been a while. I think not knowing *exactly* how long it's been has helped me because of the pressure I felt when I reached certain milestones. All I know is that I stopped smoking and that's it.

Easy enough.

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My First Limerick

There once was a dog with six feet
This would make him quite fleet
The female dogs liked to hang
Staring at his extra wang
All the while they ate canned Treet

An original Uncle Horns limerick inspired by this story.

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Frist Says, "No Mas"

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist won't try to bring John Bolton up for another confirmation vote after Democrats successfully filibustered the vote for a second time on Monday.

Pity, that.

(Yes, that's sarcasm. The UN and our standing in the world will be better off if this man just fades away. I hope Bush realizes this too. Because it would be a H-U-G-E mistake if he got the job as UN Ambassador through a recess appointment.)

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50 Cleanest Cities in America

We're number 44!
We're number 44!
We're number 44!

Of course we're number 49 for hazardous waste.

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Monday, June 20, 2005


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Sunday, June 19, 2005

Happy Father's Day

To my Dad and all the other papas out there. You rock.

I'll be doing major landscaping work in the backyard today. We've got all kinds of holes and dirt spots in the yard left over from our renovations. To fill them in, we'll have about seven tons of gravel delivered today. They'll be spread out as a first layer before we put down paver stones.

Finally, for Father's Day I'd love to hear an audio mash-up of Darth Vader and Goldmember. Imagine...

Vader: Luke, I'm your fajure.
Luke: My fajure?
Vader: Yes, your fajure!
Luke: What the hell is a fajure?
Vader: Me! I'm your fajure.
Luke: I don't think so.

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Saturday, June 18, 2005

Green thumb blogging 

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Friday, June 17, 2005

My remote 

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

End of an Era

Wal-Mart and Target are going to stop selling movies in VHS format.

I remember when we got our first VCR after much nagging negotiation. That was a great day.

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Stat of the Day

I don't know how I missed it, but this nugget was printed in February:
...It has even been estimated that one in 10 Europeans are conceived in an Ikea bed...

Now about that Euro Constitution...

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Happy First Blogiversary

Friend of, and frequent commenter on, Uncle Horns; The CultureGhost just had his first blogiversary.

It didn't look like he posted anything so he might not have even noticed.

Let's remind him.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Short Form Ask Metafilter

Pretty simple concept. Someone types in a fact or story about themselves and a visitor to the site can click 'yes' or 'no' to the question: Is It Normal?

A sample for your review:
Ok well i'm almost 16 and i'm in love with my b/f who's 19, and i mean i really love him, but i keep having feelings for one of my ex's who's 24 and one of my closest friends who's 20 even though i've liked him for a long time, but even though i really do love my b/f is it normal to have feelings for other guys..like really strong feelings?

(In some ways.)

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Need a Piercing?

Animated Mr. Stabby will take care of you.

(Inappropriate, but probably safe for work.)

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

Fox point park 

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Gillette Lies

Have you ever seen the Gillette commercial for the men's razor that vibrates and raises hair up, thus giving you a closer shave?

A judge recently called those claims "unsubstantiated and inaccurate" based on a suit filed by rival Schick.

Tip of the Horn to Hot Links.

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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I've GOT to Get Me One of These

Tip of the Horn to Boing Boing.

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Feeling Old?

It looks as though there is going to be a sequel of the 1984 movie Sixteen Candles. Molly Ringwald, now 37, will reprise her role as Samantha.

Still waiting to hear who will be the Donger and if he still needs food.

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Monday, June 06, 2005

Caption Please

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iPod Envelope of Love

Mrs. Horns has been busy...

My wife's past affiliation with the renaissance Faire may have something to do with her new hobby knitting chain mail. She made this rockin' iPod "cozy" for me last week. It's a little heavy, but it has enough space on top for the headphones/iTrip/iTalk and a space on the bottom for car charging. However, it doesn't fit into the charging cradle or my JBL speaker set up while wrapped in it's steel. We haven't taken a sword, lance or mace to it yet...

She's only just begun experimenting with the art and is currently working on a Foster's "Oil Can" cozy. Will share other creations as they materialize.

UPDATE: Though Mrs. Horns was previously involved with the renaissance Faire, her knowledge of knitting chain mail came from her time as a costume designer with the Fort Worth Opera. Uncle Horns regrets the error and still hopes to see the chain mail undergarments at some point soon.

UPDATE2: O.K. This is Mrs.Horns 2nd appearance on the blog. The first time I hijacked the weblog without permission, this time I asked.

Let me share a few things. The first is there is a reason I don't have my own internet journal. So, that being left obscure.....

I made the cozy as an artistic expression of a situational juxtaposition of an ironic statement........ OH PLEASE A fun toy

Mrs Horns is going through a midlife crisis. Those of you who are regulars know the breathtaking crap (pardon my Anglo-Saxon)Uncle Horns has supported me through in the last few.

So in a classic ADHD (yes, don't go there. I was diagnosed 35 years ago by a professional under the former codes and initials. Skinner Rocks!)impulse I contacted the local chainmail dude (yes, you probably have one too) to reteach me the skill I learned in college from the Society for Creative anachronism dude at St.Mary's College of Maryland, Sean Eustis. (I was the costume designer for Richard III. The chainmail, leather and helmets looked cool so don't start. If we did it "Period" it would be in modern dress and don't start there either. Think about it first)
So, now that I've hacked off ...let's see Apple, The Folger,Anglo-Saxons, anyone trained in Applied Behavior Analysis (and not just you descrete trial people, the rest of us, too), the SCA, Midlife chicks oops people against the use of chic.....O.K. Now you see the reason I don't have my own Internet journal.

Gosh, this is beginning to look like a Joyce novel without the ..well, content.

The I-pod cozy shown is made from galvanized steel rings. 1/2" across and a thickness of about 1/16" according to my sewing machine marks. The pattern is made from putting 4 rings on 1 base ring. There are sites out there to teach you how to knit mail and that sell rings and supplies. I used 2 pliers and 1 1/2 lbs of rings. The design is my own.

When Uncle Horns told me the traffic generated and the number of direct E-Mails received (not to mention some of the interesting links) I went to my chainmail dude/ ring supplier and told him about the requests for "envelopes" (envelope of love is what I call the warm bath towel togas I wrap the boys in apres bath)

My ring supplier makes full big stuff like coifs, shirts, and horse thingys. He does all sorts of cool other helmets and shields and stuff not of chainmail but awesome. (And I ain't just whistln' Planxty Irwin. Mrs. Horns paid for her fancy edumacation with money from her years doing RenFaire circuit performing, busking,and selling fancy moccasins she seen a lot of stuff made of metal, rabbit fur, and velvet) Great now I hacked off them that raised me when I ran away to the renaissance(as my proud Daddy used to say)

Sorry back to subject.

My Chainmail dude said let's make them if folks want them. He and I sat down and designed a base model and discussed upgrades and special orders. We hooked up with an established brick and mortar store. A web page for "The Chainmail Cozy" is to follow.

"The Chainmail Cozy" is now available for sale. "The Chainmail Cozy" we are selling first is $25 dollars plus actual shipping. It is made from 1/2" 16 gage Bright Aluminum and Black Neoprene rings(lighter,scratch deterring, looks cool) The click wheel is accessible. Hangs from your belt.

You can also order a bright aluminum "Chainmail Cozy" with the same specs above sans neoprene and sized a touch bigger to fit over your own protector.
We'll line it with a thin leather for $5 more

A removable shoulder strap can be added for $10 dollars more

"The Chainmail Cozy" can be made as a special order with, galvanized steel, stainless steel, steel, anodized aluminum in colors, bright aluminum, brass, titanium, Anodized Titanium in subtle colors, or if you have riches to burn.. Fine Silver, Niobium, Anodized Niobium in really bright, shiny colors.

The store we are working with is The Rogues Den.
Orders and payment will go through them.

If you need one right away before we get a web page up and are ready to order:

Orders can be made by credit card by calling 302-798-1390
M-Th 10-9 F-Sa 10-11 Su 12-9 all EST
Tell them you want "The Chainmail Cozy" and specify
Galvanized and Neoprene or all Galvanized and any add ons.

Money orders and Checks(72 hr hold to clear) can be mailed to
Rogues Den 2710 Philadelphia Pike Claymont, Delaware 19703 USA

At this time email me at sonoratboyATmsnDOTcom for inquiries about other designs or to discuss special orders. If you don't want to call long distance you can send me your order and I'll call them.

The beginning of July I'll answer email every other day.

My sisters, brothers, husband and I will be taking Daddy's and my beloved Step-mother Joan's ashes to Northern Ireland for the most awesome Craic seen on the island since Daddy spent a drunken weekend in the late seventies with British army officers recreating the war of 1812 with a game that didn't require a computer. (I wish I had a camera. What they did to my grow-up Skipper was noteworthy)

Damn, now I hacked off Mattel......and the British Army

Hmmmmm. No, I won't go there

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

First haircut 

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Saturday, June 04, 2005


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Friday, June 03, 2005

Ode to Billy Joe

Today was the day Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge.

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Another List

Fish Names That Sound Like Unfortunate 7th-Graders

- - - -

Spotted weakfish

White crappie

Bleeding shiner

Bigmouth sleeper

Striped mullet

Common snook

Delta smelt


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Making Enemies via Email

A comprehensive list of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email. Sample:
Have a long signature line – The longer the better. Ten to fifteen lines would be right in this case. Use it to publicize your uncle’s life insurance agency or to tell every one about your grandmother’s real estate company. Think of it as a billboard. You might even be able to sell advertising space in your email signature if you send enough.
Send many attachments – This helps make your email so big it will take a long time to download it. Photos are good, as are links to web sites that you’ve visited where your computer acted strangely afterward. As a bonus, you just might sneak in a virus you didn’t know you picked up. On a related topic…
Don’t tell the recipient why you’re sending the attachments – This is even sweeter when the attachments have strange names that give no clue as to what they are. Big fun!


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A Little Bit of Ludwig Van

BBC Radio will be offering MP3 downloads of all nine of Beethoven's symphonies as performed by the BBC Philharmonic.

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Condi Condi I Love You So

A week ago I picked up Steve Earle's CD, The Revolution Starts Now. I've always been into his music but was struck by one particular tune on this disc. The 6th tune is Condi Condi and I wanted to share the second verse here:
Oh Condi, Condi I'm talkin' to you girl
What's it gonna hurt come on give me a whirl
Shake your body now let me see you go
One time for me Oh Condi I love you so
Skank for me Condi show me what you got
They say you're too uptight I say you're not
Dance around me spinnin' like a top
Oh Condi Condi Condi don't ever stop

The following tune on the disc is called F the CC and may be worth a listen and provide a clue to the artist's political leanings.

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Look into my eyes... 

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Far East Hijinks

I present you...

Soda Bottle Jet Pack

(Links to video.)

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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Friggin' SNAP

SBC is cutting their broadband to $14.95 per month.

Comcast, are you gonna take that? That blatant lowballing should be a personal affront to your customer service pledge. You-must-beat-that-price. Please.

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Vacation, Sweet Vacation

I will be taking a little over a week off of work for the first time in two years. Yes, I realize that's too long not to take a vacation; but what can I say, I'm indispensible not well.

Mrs. Horns and I will be going to Ireland at the start of July sans children and we are really looking forward to it.

We booked the flight this morning so there is no turning back.


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