Wednesday, August 31, 2005

It's Time for...

Another List!
Reasons to Fear Canada.

- - - -

Ninety percent of population is massed within 100 miles of northern American border.

Seems not to mind that one of its provinces has turned almost entirely French.

Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister. But what?

Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.

Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, in fact, be indestructible.

Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.

Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears.

Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.

Never had a "disco phase."

Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.

Keeps insisting it "has no designs on America" and "only wants peace."

Plays a mean game of pond hockey.

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Worse Than We Thought

The pictures from the Gulf Coast are unbelievably horrendous. This is hitting me a little closer to home than I'd like. I do the advertising for hospitals in St. Bernard Parish and East New Orleans. The second is blocks from Lake Ponchatrain but appears to have fared as well as could be expected. The other hospital looks to have suffered the most. It's only two stories tall and the pictures I've seen of the area show water up to rooftops. I'm trying to remain optimistic, but it's not easy.

I work with not just the hospitals but all of the media in the city. This entails doing business with dozens of people in TV, radio & print. The majority of them have become my friends and I am afraid to call to see how they're doing for fear of hearing the worst. I'm sure I will try to reach out to them soon but I'm not sure I'll be able to express the sorrow & empathy that will be appropriate to the situation.

What can you say to someone who has lost everything?

I'm not sure there is a correct answer...

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Monday, August 29, 2005

New Orleans

Thoughts and prayers to everyone in Louisiana & the Gulf Coast today.

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Saturday, August 27, 2005


Alas, we were unable to find a babysitter for this evening (and I'm feeling a little sick) so Mrs. Horns took our eldest to see Jimmy Buffett. I'm happy that his first big arena show is Sir Jimmy. I'm just hanging at home with a nice cold beverage...

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Friday, August 26, 2005


TGIF. One last weekend before the kids go back to school. I'll be doing yard work and taking Mrs. Horns to see Jimmy Buffett at Citizen's Bank Park on Saturday night. This will be my first time seeing the man and am really looking forward to it. I'm trying to find a garish shirt to wear. Shouldn't be too tough...

Look for mobile pix from the show right her on Saturday night.

Have a joyous weekend.

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Flying Spaghetti Monster

If you're the observant type you'll notice a new image on the left side of Uncle Horns.

Before I go any further, click on the image and read the Open Letter to the Kansas School Board along with some of their responses.

I'll wait...

Good. Now you're up to speed.

For the better part of the last two months Boing Boing has been poking fun at the idea of intelligent design potentially being taught in Kansas schools (and other states as well) which has spurred a wide variety of responses to the entire Creationism vs. Evolution controversy debate difference of opinion argument joke.

It's amazing to see what large sums of money filtered through right wing think tanks and conservative organizations can do to influence science and, in turn, public opinion. The sad thing is that now we are on the brink of teaching our children an "alternate" theory when there shouldn't be one at all. This religious view belongs in places of worship and not in the class room.

Bow down to His Noodly Goodness.

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

President Bush's Loss of Faith

A scathing and important editorial from today's New York Times. Reproduced here, in full:
It took President Bush a long time to break his summer vacation and acknowledge the pain that the families of fallen soldiers are feeling as the death toll in Iraq continues to climb. When he did, in a speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Utah this week, he said exactly the wrong thing. In an address that repeatedly invoked Sept. 11 - the day that terrorists who had no discernable connection whatsoever to Iraq attacked targets on American soil - Mr. Bush offered a new reason for staying the course: to keep faith with the men and women who have already died in the war.

"We owe them something," Mr. Bush said. "We will finish the task that they gave their lives for." It was, as the mother of one fallen National Guardsman said, an argument that "makes no sense." No one wants young men and women to die just because others have already made the ultimate sacrifice. The families of the dead do not want that, any more than they want to see more soldiers die because politicians cannot bear to admit that they sent American forces to war by mistake.

Most Americans believed that their country had invaded Iraq to eliminate weapons of mass destruction, but we know now that those weapons did not exist. If we had all known then what we know now, the invasion would have been stopped by a popular outcry, no matter what other motives the president and his advisers may have had.

It is also very clear, although the president has done his level best to muddy the picture, that Iraq had nothing to do with Sept. 11. Mr. Bush's insistence on making that link, over and over, is irresponsible. In fact, it was the American-led invasion that turned Iraq into a haven for Islamist extremists.

When Mr. Bush articulated his "comprehensive strategy" for responding to the threat of terrorism, he listed three aims: "protecting this homeland, taking the fight to the enemy and advancing freedom." The invasion of Iraq flunks the first two tests. But it did free the Iraqi people from a brutal dictator and may still provide an opportunity to inspire the rest of the Arab world with an example of democracy and religious toleration.

Right now, however, the Iraqi Assembly is dickering over a constitution draft that would not accomplish any of the American goals. It would fail to protect the rights of Iraq's Sunni Arab minority and the rights of women, and it would enshrine Islam as a main source of law. It could well lead to a fracturing of Iraq into an all but independent, and oil-rich, Kurdish homeland in the north and an oil-rich Shiite theocracy in the south, while the oil-poor center was left to the disaffected Sunnis, the terrorists and the American troops. It's an outcome that would make the violent religious extremists very happy.

Preventing that kind of tragic last chapter is the only rational argument for continuing the American presence in Iraq. The president's strange declaration yesterday that the draft constitution would protect the rights of women and minorities, and his continuing attempts to clog the debate with misleading explanations, suggest his own lack of commitment to the only rationale for keeping American troops in Iraq - or, perhaps, his lack of faith in the likely outcome.

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Mens Toilet at work 

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Monday, August 22, 2005


Won't Mrs Horns be surprised when I come home sporting a pair of these:

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Friday, August 19, 2005


Not to starboard either. This one made me laugh:

Poorly Selling T-Shirts.

- - - -

"#2 Grandpa"

"I failed to survive Smokin' Joe's Five-Alarm Chili Pit"

"Ask Me About Nudism"

"My mom attended the Mechanicsburg, PA, Quilt Fair and was thoughtful enough to buy me this souvenir, which I cherish."

"I'm with that guy to my left ... no, sorry, one more over ... yeah, that's him."

"Time Magazine: Man of the Year" featuring novelty-shirt-booth employee

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Nice Park Job

Outside Moscow. No one was hurt.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

John Cleese to Sell Portion of Colon

He's having a procedure and wanted to give something back to his fans.

Will he donate the proceeds to charity? Hardly. He's splitting the funds with his surgeon.

(The story is contained within a pop-up on his home page.)


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Monday, August 15, 2005

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Saturday, August 13, 2005

Blue rocks 

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Friday, August 12, 2005

All Hail The Mighty Sow

The Bacon Show

One Bacon Recipe Per Day

Every Day


(This reminds me of Forrest & his friend, Bubba... Shrimp Pancakes, Shrimp Stew, Shrimp Casserole, Shrimp Candy, Shrimp Flavored Cereal, Shrimp Etouffe, Shrimp Kebabs, Shrimp Gumbo, Shrimp Grits, Shrimp Cocktail, Shrimp Remoulade, Shrimp Kool-Aid, Shrimp Pasta, Shrimp Pasteries...)

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Star Wars Business Cards

Circa 1977:

Scroll down to see the C3PO trading card. I had tons of those as a kid. Each pack came with a sticker that I pasted all over the house as a kid. Even though my (Physics Teacher) Dad had a, "May The Force Be With You" bumpersticker, he was not amused.

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With Best Intentions...

Another list:
Less-Threatening Islamist Groups.

- - - -

Abu Nidal Ladies Muffin Club

Hamas and Garfunkel

Log Cabin Martyrs Brigade


Gene Loves Hezbollah

Al Axsa Coffee Clutch

Al Jarreau

Balsamic Jihad

Weird Al Qaeda

Balsamic. Heh. Heh. Heh.

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Is Miller Genuine Draft Actually Beer?

Apparently not.

Of course I could've testified that it isn't.

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Guess Who Is Blogging Now?

His Donaldness in conjunction with Trump University.

I was trying to find the clip from his Domino's Pizza commercial but didn't see it.

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Sheehan Vs. Bush

More here.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005


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Goodness Gracious!

Another List:
Seven Band Names That Would Be Impossible to Book.

- - - -

No Event Scheduled

Open Date

Canceled Due to Fire


All Ages w/ No Cover


Private Party

I'd probably add one more: Newt Gingrich

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Monday, August 08, 2005

Summer Time Food

Now for something completely different...

Last night Mrs. Horns was laid up in bed with a bad back and asked for, "something salady" for our evening repast. With two older boys I had to come up with something, "un-crappy" so I came up with the following to tremendous acclaim:

Modified Chef Salad

One Cuke
One Green Pepper
One Red Sweet Pepper
One Small Vidalia Onion
One Container Grape Tomatoes
One pre-packaged low-fat Ham-Turkey Combo Pack
1/4 pound provolone cheese
One Bag Pre-Made Salad (Double carrots, to add another veggie)
One Head Romaine Hearts (Come in bags of three hearts)
Bottle of Paul Newman - Italian Dressing

(I think adding mushrooms, green beans or snap peas would be good, but my kids would consider it "crappy." Don't let that sway you.)

Combine the lettuce in one bowl. Slice all of the other fixins (except the tomatoes) and put combine in another bowl. Put a 1.5 tbsp into each bowl and toss vigorously.

Serve the fixins on a bed lettuce. Enjoy!

Anyone else have a good summer time recipe they could share?

(Besides 1-800-PAPAJOHN)

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Conspiracy Theory


George W. Bush caused the Cubs to lose to the Marlins in Game 7 of the National League Championship Series so that Ann Coulter, SUV owners, and the Christian Coalition could oppress liberals.

Create your own here.

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Page Ripped From a Children's Book

So sad...

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Sunday, August 07, 2005

McClellan Cartoon

At his place of employment; the White House press room. Hilarious.

Tip of the Horn to the All Spin Zone for posting this.

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Saturday, August 06, 2005


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Friday, August 05, 2005

Intelligent Design Vs. Darwinism

Paul Krugman's column today in the Times sheds a little light on the origins of Intelligent Design and where it's (tragic) end might come.

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Thursday, August 04, 2005

You Know It Has To Be Another List, And it's a Good'n

Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ.

- - - -

"Dad damn you."

"Holy Mom, mother of me."


"Myself almighty."

"Good me."

"Me, Mom, and Mom's husband ..."


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Baby Horns Attire

If he wasn't the size of a Penn State linebacker I'd buy him one of these in a second.

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More Ireland Pictures

Several pictures included of murals in the Bogside neighborhood of Derry. This is where the Bloody Sunday massacre happened.


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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Headline of the Week

From ESPN's Soccernet.

Tip of the Horn to Boing Boing for being one of the best stops on the world wide internets.

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Mrs Horns is Broken

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Monday, August 01, 2005

Happy Birthday to Jerry Garcia & Me

To honor Jerry I plan on listening to the fantastic Grateful Dead tribute album, Deadicated, this evening. If you don't own it, I'd seriously consider the purchase.

As for me, Mrs Horns and I were recipients of some fortuitous timing today as the package we had shipped from Dublin arrived. To wit:


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John *QUACK* Bolton

Today, President Bush will name John Bolton as the US Ambassador to the UN through recess appointment.

I'm sure this appointment (without Senate confirmation) won't be lost on all of the member nations.

Is there such a thing as a lame duck Ambassador?

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